In 2011 I will be 50 years old.  I have been a mom for 30 of those years.  And as hard as it has been I have liked being a mom.  My children are so important to me.  For someone to not like them bothers me.

When I was a kid I wanted to be a wife and mother.  Now at 50, that is still what I want, but that means I have to find a man who wants to be a husband and a father.  Someone who sees this time of life as full of opportunities rather than trying to remain in years past. 

I wonder if there is anyone out there like that...

Done

Today is November 29th.  At about 1:30 a.m. today I spoke with D and when I hung up, I decided that I'm done.  I sent an email with everything I have been unable to say - not because I didn't try, but because every "talk" we attempted to have turned into a shouting match.  Not much communication happened between us over the last few months. 

My protests of my feelings being hurt were met with "you know how I am" - as if that is an excuse for cruel words or text messages.  Finally, I think I had heard this once too many times.  The last few weeks have made me think - "well, what about how I am?"  Yup, me - the woman who supported you through your difficult time, the one who believed in you when not even your family believed in you.  Yup, me. 

The woman who isn't angry with the world & is sick to death of you playing the "angry black man" character.  The woman who took a leap of faith to be with you over the past year.  This woman is done.

I'm hurt, I'm angry.  I'm sad, but I'm still alive - so I survived and I'm done.

So when my wounds heal, I'll find someone else - who can appreciate me for who I am rather than the caricuture he wants.