Diet from D

I've been on a D - diet...  I decided to go on the D - diet when I realized that I was more interested in D than he is in me.  So I haven't called or emailed him for about a week now.  He hasn't called or emailed either.  I'm kind of sad about it,  Oh well...he may call, but if he doesn't, my world won't come to an end.  That's good!

A Turning Point

Last week's incident of not hearing from D and getting mad, etc. has made me think more about my feelings for D.  All along, due to the HUGE differences between us (you could drive a mack truck through the chasm between us), I've kept in my mind that he is a Mr. Right Now, not a Mr. Right.  But as I reflect on last week, I can't help but wonder if I am keeping my feelings "in check" as appropriate.  I was pretty mad - OK, I was furious.  And while I do hate rudeness, I don't normally react with that much passion when someone is rude.  Usually I just say "idiot" in my mind & get on with life.  

The problem is, I didn't just say "idiot" and move on.  I wrote 2 entries about this, was annoyed when I went to bed, then annoyed when I got up.  Hmmm....

So to make things worse, today I asked him if he wanted to spend Thanksgiving with my family.  He said that he didn't know what he was doing for Thanksgiving, that he might spend it with his parents, or that he might spend it with his son and his son's mom.  So the parents, I understood, even the son, I understood, but I don't understand the son and son's mom thing.  I was surprised at his answer.  I felt like he was telling me that he would spend it with me if he didn't have anything else better to do - and my feelings were - are - hurt.

So now I'm thinking that if I really did believe he was only a Mr. Right Now that my feelings wouldn't be hurt.  This is not good!  That Mack Truck continues to drive through the chasm of differences between us.  This is not good!

History has taught me that pain comes from having feelings for someone who doesn't have feelings for you.  And I don't want to repeat that lesson while I am again making history.

I wonder what portion of the play I am in now?  Is this the turning point between D and me, I think the orchestra is beginning to play a bit louder?   I wonder...

Lady Bug

More EHarmony

Since I joined EHarmony a while ago, I received a few emails from them with 'matches' - not many... maybe one every month or so.  And I have responded to the matches since, after all, I'm supposed to be compatible with picks that EHarmony sends.  Well, thus far, no takers. 

Anyway, over the last week I have received probably 5 matches per day!  How odd, I thought, until I realized that this was their 'free' week - so there are lots of people who have probably posted a profile just to take the service for a test run.  Knowing that EHarmony sends the email to the man and woman when a match is made, I think I will - for this week anyway - wait and see if any of these men reach out to me.  If they do, I'll respond, if not, I haven't lost anything.

Lady Bug

I Was Wrong

OK - So I was wrong about D.  He finally called and asked me to come to visit him while he is sitting in the hospital waiting for his dad to be diagnosed --- his dad stopped breathing & had to be rushed to the emergency room.  Even though it was quite a distance away, I went - because of course I felt like an idiot & an a~~! :-(  When I saw his number pop up on my phone, I was ready with my 'speech' about how rude he had  been. 

I asked what had happened to him the night before, in the most sarcastic tone I could muster & he answered by telling me what happened to his dad, and asked me to come and stay with him in the hospital for a little bit.  I went & felt horrible.  Not only because I was afraid for D and his dad, but because I had so little faith in him...

I think this little episode says more about me than him.  And I'm not sure I like the things it is saying...

I have even more to think about.

Lady Bug

GRRRRRRRRRRRRR Still!

OK - I'm still annoyed!  Granted it has only been a few hours, but I am still ANNOYED!!!!!  On a good note, I am going to take out my annoyance on the pavement - buy walking.  Given how annoyed I am, I might just walk for a few hours!

Oh well...

I received another match from eHarmony, one that doesn't seem to be wearing religion on his sleeve.  So I am going to send questions to him.  Now, he is located in Indiana, so this won't go anywhere - I've learned my lesson with long distance dating - but it will be nice to chat with someone.  At this point chatting is more fun than dating!

OK - sneakers on, sweatshirt on, comfy jeans on.  Out the door I go!

A Still Annoyed Lady Bug

Just Rude

OK - So D and I have been seeing more of one another.  Having fun, laughing a lot & talking more and more on the phone.  So imagine how angry I am since we were supposed to do something this evening and he did not show up!  What the hell!!!!????  He called at 6 & said he'd be here at about 8.  So 8 came and went & I wasn't too upset since I wasn't ready.  I figured he just was running late.  No biggie.  But now it's - well, let's just say it is well beyond 8 & I am seething!  This is just plain rude! 

I wish there was a way to get married & live happily ever after without dating! REALLY!  After all, I dated my ex-husband & 'happily ever after' didn't last.

Well... bed & a book.  Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr  Not that I had something else planned - I just hate rudeness!

A Very Mad Lady Bug

Match, EHarmony, or Just Get Out

In the last few days I've received email from eHarmony & Match telling me that someone is trying to contact me.  So, I went onto both sites where I could see if someone was trying to contact me. 

And I looked at names, read the profiles, and wondered if I should start my search on these sites again... Perhaps... but then, maybe not.

Since D was here a few weeks ago, I've decided that I should really be pursuing my SS in a different manner - because I do miss sharing my life with someone...But perhaps I need to get away from this laptop and go out. 

Next step for me, is to volunteer for a charity I support and even if I don't meet anyone, I'll feel good about helping to make the world a better place.

Wish me luck! :-)