One of my babies moved out of the state.  He now lives near S and his family.  I talked to him today & he is having a good time.  So why is it that my heart is broke & all I want to do is cry?

I so wanted to give my children a good life.  I wanted them to grow up & for us to be close.  I wanted us to always be a family - to be what I didn't have after my mom died.  And my child who moved - well he wanted that too.  He wanted it so much that he made it happen - he moved next to his dad.  Next to my ex.  Next to S and his family.  He sounds happy.  He has cousins, his grandmother, siblings and his dad.  He has the big family that I moved them away from so many years ago.  I thought I was doing the right thing.  I thought it was going to be okay.  By the time I could see through my grief & unhappiness to his, I didn't think I could 'go back'.  For one thing, I couldn't afford it... Moving from the midwest to the east coast brings a huge difference in price that I just couldn't afford alone.

The logical part of me knows that he is happy & that is what is important.

The selfish part of me wants him to come back here & live close to me.

The emotional part of me wants to cry until I can't cry anymore--- and right now, it's the emotional part that is winning!

I so miss my baby!