Anyway, I'm taking a look at myself. Not only what I see in the mirror, but what I see around me, what I see inside of me.
When I look around me, I'm pleased with what I see around me --- essentials, not too much unnecessary stuff.
When I look in the mirror, I see the face of my mom, the body of my dad & wonder about God's sense of humor. I love my parents, but most definitely I'd prefer my mother's body over my dad's. People were always amazed that my mom had 6 children and still 'looked like that at almost 60!' My dad... well let's just say I used to describe my dad as "the Black Santa" & while my curves aren't yet that out of control, if I don't focus on them daily, I'd look like Mrs. Clause - albeit with a sexy smile!
When I look inside me, I see the 10 year old sitting on the couch hearing my brother, SM, say "Momma died this morning". The wave a loss, pain and fear still overtake me at times. And while I hide that 10 year old pretty well, she is still there, right below the surface. When a child looses the predominant parent at such an early stage in life, it shapes that child's future in ways not imaginable to most - not imaginable to the child, until the child grows up & explores her life's decisions. All that said, I'm happy I still have my 10 year old self inside of me, within easy reach. It is the 10 year old girl in me who learned
...how to love deeply, "Just because others don't love you, doesn't mean you shouldn't love them. God tells us to 'love one another'. He doesn't say you have to like everyone, but you have to love everyone."
...how to to care for others and be charitable, "Yes, he took that food without paying, but did you hear him tell the manger that he was just trying to feed his family? We have to help him feed his family", she said, as she took out a few dollars to pay for the few staples the stranger was trying to steal from the A&P.
...how to not borrow trouble, "You don't know what God has in store for tomorrow, so don't worry about tomorrow". I must admit this one is a constant struggle.
...to love family, no matter what, "Lord have mercy, bless that fool! What can you do but just love him" when my brother did something else that shouted to the world that common sense wasn't his strong point.
...that I wasn't stupid, "Just because you read slower than the others doesn't make you stupid. You remember a lot more than other kids. You're a smart girl"
So all in all, I see a good person, a woman who knows her past, who knows what is important and who is looking forward to her future. Hmmm.... I think that 'me' isn't bad, actually, 'me' is pretty good.
So 'me' is going to get more rest, work on controlling my curves and finding balance in my life so that my work week is less than 55 hours. First because these things are good for me, but then (or maybe really) because doing these little things may help towards my goal of 'me' becomming a 'we'.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Hi! PLEASE, leave a comment!