Dare To Dream

Let nothing hold you back, from exploring your wildest fantasies, wishes, and aspirations.
Don't be afraid to dream big and to follow your dreams wherever they may lead you.
Open your eyes to their beauty; open your mind to their magic; open your heart to their possibilities.

Dare to dream.

Whether they are in color   [- like in my burgandy powder room]

or in black and white, whether they are big or small, easily attainable or almost impossible, look to your dreams, and make them become reality.

Wishes and hopes are nothing, until you take the first step towards making them something!

Dare to dream, because only by dreaming, will you ever discover who you are, what you want,

and what you can do.

Don't be afraid to take risks, to become involved, to make commitment.

Do whatever it takes to make your dreams come true.
Always believe in miracles
Always believe in you!


~ Julie Anne Ford ~

MLK Jr Day 2010

“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”


Martin Luther King Jr. (1929–1968)
American civil rights leader
Nobel Peace Prize winner

We went to the MLK Jr. mass.  WE (D&I).  And while it was a nice service, it was even nicer sharing it with D.  My relationship with D is certainly not as complicated or intense as when Dr. King first spoke these words, but these words are apropos just the same.

The unemployment situation was -  is - hard for me, very hard.  But I am being measured now.  I am measuring myself.  My character, my beliefs, my strength.

Dr. King's words have touched me... they make me think.

Lady Bug

Red Light, Blue Light and My Brother - The Epitome of Catholicism

D & I have spent a lot of time together lately - I mean A LOT!  He spends more time here than he does at his apartment.  A few things have happened, or let's say aligned, so that this is occurring. 

1. He & I realized that we were both capable of actually getting up at 4 consistently with him leaving at 5 so he could make it to work on time.
2. His apartment was broken into (it's not in the best neighborhood, which is why I didn't go there much & now I won't go there).
3. He recently (very recently) got laid off & now he is looking for work in this area, versus where he lives (2 hours away where the economy is much worse than it is here). 
4. He's looking for an apartment between here and his current home (where his son lives). 

So... we are playing house. 

The situation with his lost job is testing me- my morals, my values, my convictions, my compassion, my sympathy, my empathy.  You see, while I like to think of myself as loving and giving and always willing to see the good in others; the reality is that as a single woman who has seen men 'mooch' off of some of my single friends (including some of my family members!), as soon as a man is without a job my thought has been to 'kick him to the curb'.  

So now, here I am in a situation that sends me bright red lights that say "you should not be involved with someone who is not employed!".  And they continue to flash. 

And there is another light that is flashing in front of me, it is a blue light (Mother Mary blue for all you Catholics out there).  The blue light says "Compassion.  Remember when you were unemployed--- wouldn't it have been nice to have someone who was emotionally supportive?  What happened to your empathy?" 

On top of the lights I hear my brother saying "don't be so worried that you are going to be taken advantage of that you miss the blessing in front of you - (the blessing of being in the position to help someone). 

Red Lights, Blue Lights, My Brother's Sayings...Lots of questions, lots of advice, no answers.

I'm trying to walk towards the blue light, to listen to my brother (who, IMHO, epitomizes what it means to be a true Catholic, a true follower of Christ - 24/7) and to be smart at the same time.  I'm scared.  I'm trying to walk in faith, knowing & believing that God will order my steps.  I am walking one step at a time & trying to look & listen - all with caution. 

Lady Bug

One New Resolution for 2010

I'm here.  In 2010.  When I was a kid hearing about 2001 Space Odyssey, I remember thinking that I would never live to see that date because it was such a long ways away.  Yet, here I am in 2010.  Here we all are.

And it is time for resolutions.  Every year I make the usual resolutions - loose weight, eat better, exercise, get promoted at work (i.e. make more money), save for hard wood floors, save for my trip to Egypt.  This year I have another resolution I'll add. 

I still want to be physically healthier.  I not only want to be promoted, I deserve to be promoted after my 2009 year of reaching the challenges put in front of me!  I still want to save for my floors and for Egypt - but I've learned to keep my coins in a jar and just keep adding to it & not cash it in, since I still can't get the $200 'back' that I cashed in... So what's different?  I want to fall in love with someone who is in love with me. 

Yes, that is my resolution for 2010.  I want to be in love every day.  I want the feeling in the song I'd Rather by Luther Vandross.  I want to love that person through good times and bad times.  Right now, I'd like that person to be D, but I'm not there yet.  Time may move us in that direction... who knows.  But if it doesn't, I will end this relationship and look for another because I want to be in love. 

I want the feeling of contentment that comes from knowing the person you care for most in your life cares for you as well.  I want the feeling of ordinariness that comes from living with someone day in and day out.  I want the feeling of being able to say whatever I want (within reason) and not worry that we might 'break up'.  I want the feeling of being safe in his arms.  I want to be able to end a day's work & have a comforting hug - where I can let go & not be the boss.  I want to be able to tell him how great he is doing at _____ (when he's doing great) and to encourage him when things are not going well and tell him to 'suck it up' when he is making bad choices - all without repercussion, because he'll know I love him.  I want to know that he will be there at my side until we leave this earth, at my side to laugh, cry & everything in-between. 

Yes, I want to be in love in 2010.

Lady Bug

Worst Dates of 2009

• Dinner at T's house - it consisted of a corned beef sandwich on rye bread (which I don't like) with mayo (which I don't like - I'm a Miracle Whip girl), a movie that I wasn't interested in & him telling me how satisfying his life is in his big house and all his gadgets!  I think the big house was compensating for something - LOL.

• The date where the guy really wanted an exhibit for his social studies project (kidding!).  But of the white men I dated, this one was just a little too interested in my blackness... He prodded me about everything from Malcolm X to MLK Jr, to my thoughts on Blacks in the Catholic Church, reconstruction, civil rights, what my experiences were with prejudice since moving from NY to OH... and the list went on and on.  He had lots of questions and apparently he thought I was going to answer them all - for ALL of Black America!

• Coffee at Panera Bread ... The coffee was the best thing about that date... He just knew he was God's gift - giving me examples of what a great guy he had been in the past with his dates.  I left wondering that if he was such a good date with the others, why was he meeting me?????

• Dinner after work with a man who obviously missed his children.  When I talked with pride about my boys, he reminded me that he doesn't have access to his children because of _______& missed them terribly - so much so that his eyes welled up and tears flowed.  I don't mean to sound like I have a double standard, but he was way too in touch with his feminine side - especially for a first date in a restaurant filled with people.

• Drinks with "The Christian".  He proceeded to tell me that I should only be dating if I knew I wanted marriage - otherwise I was being sinful!  Excuse me for being honest when asked if I wanted to marry again- I honestly told him I didn't know.  But at the end of that date, I knew one thing, if I did want to get married, it wouldn't be to him!

• The "childless father" expert - who told me that I should have re-married when my children were younger because they obviously needed a father & I was selfish for not ensuring they had a father in their life!   Mind you, this expert knew that they adored their dad - even though we didn't live together.   Now if I had raised drug addicted felons, maybe he would have had a point... But since I raised responsible, strong Catholic men who are self sufficient, love their dad, step-siblings and understand they have an obligation to leave a positive mark on the world, I really had a hard time with this one.  Oh, and did I mention, he did NOT have any children?

• The dinner with what I thought was my perfect match... my equal career wise & financially.  A connoisseur of the theatre, jazz and good food.  A lover of big cities and all they have to offer.  The problem - he had learned to not pay child support and was proud of it because he "didn't know what his ex was doing with that money"!  No matter that his 2 children would be going without because of his selfishness.  I had flashbacks of not receiving child support, trying to figure out how to keep the lights on--- all because my ex didn't know what I was going to do with 'all that money'.  Needless to say, I left that date and adjusted my perception of my 'perfect match'.

• Seeing "The Orphan" with D (yup, D).  He only went because I wanted to go & on our way to the truck, when I remarked how much I enjoyed the movie, he proceeded to tell me how silly the characters in the movie were.  The ride home was full of "What's wrong?" from him and "Nothing" from me.  Maybe that is the day we became a couple! LOL

No wonder I am happy to hang out with D on the sofa, take the dogs for walks and cook together; and I save seeing chick flicks for girl time with M or J!

All in all, though... this hasn't been a bad year.

Lady Bug