A few weeks ago, I had the flu & bronchitis (luckily it was at it's worst after Christmas!). This gave me tons of time to sleep or to just lay in bed and flip through the channels (& wonder why I am paying for cable when I only look at the Food Channel, HGTV, ABC, & NBC!). But I digress....Basically, I had lots and lots of time to think. About me. About D. About us. About 2010. About love. About things that annoy me.
One of the things I thought about was the fact that I have lived alone for most of my adult life and while I have not been happy about that, it was what it was. I was the boss. I was the person who made the final decision - and if they kids didn't like it, that was just too bad because I knew what was best.
I had my own room, my own closet, and since moving into this house, my own bathroom! I kept my house clean or dirty - my choice. My home, albeit lonely, had become my refuge against a world that wasn't always so nice. A world that I didn't always see as 'on my side'. My home was MINE - and given the lifestyle I live - focused on providing for my children's well being, including the best education I could afford to give them, I really didn't have a lot that was mine that I didn't share. And even the house I share gladly with my children, with people who I invite over. I am happy to share because in the back of my mind, I always know that "this is my house & if someone doesn't like it they can leave it".
But now, I no longer "live alone". Not only is my grown son still at home, D is here. When making decisions, I have to take them into consideration. I realized through all my time in the bed that everyone needs their space - D needs his space, A needs his space & I need my space. We all need our space to be happy - because living on top of one another is not good for anyone (been there, done that!).
So I'm trying to be more conscious about my decisions. I am trying to bring D & A into the decision making process. I am trying to ensure both know their opinions are valued.
The reality is I don't "live alone" any longer. This is new for me. Perhaps this is good for me.
One of the things I thought about was the fact that I have lived alone for most of my adult life and while I have not been happy about that, it was what it was. I was the boss. I was the person who made the final decision - and if they kids didn't like it, that was just too bad because I knew what was best.
I had my own room, my own closet, and since moving into this house, my own bathroom! I kept my house clean or dirty - my choice. My home, albeit lonely, had become my refuge against a world that wasn't always so nice. A world that I didn't always see as 'on my side'. My home was MINE - and given the lifestyle I live - focused on providing for my children's well being, including the best education I could afford to give them, I really didn't have a lot that was mine that I didn't share. And even the house I share gladly with my children, with people who I invite over. I am happy to share because in the back of my mind, I always know that "this is my house & if someone doesn't like it they can leave it".
But now, I no longer "live alone". Not only is my grown son still at home, D is here. When making decisions, I have to take them into consideration. I realized through all my time in the bed that everyone needs their space - D needs his space, A needs his space & I need my space. We all need our space to be happy - because living on top of one another is not good for anyone (been there, done that!).
So I'm trying to be more conscious about my decisions. I am trying to bring D & A into the decision making process. I am trying to ensure both know their opinions are valued.
The reality is I don't "live alone" any longer. This is new for me. Perhaps this is good for me.
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